Friend Then, NOT Friend Now

So far this month my posts have been about looking back into the past, seeing old friends and the class reunion.  Turns out that I'm not done yet, I have one more tale to write of someone I used to know.  For the sake of this writing, her name is Sammi.

Sammi and I became friends around 1991 or 1992.  We had known each other a bit from mutual friends and from hanging out at the metal bar in town.  I had recently broken up with my girlfriend, a hairstylist, and needed someone to do my hair.  Sammi was a hairstylist.  I got an appointment and had my hair trimmed with her.  Turned out it was her last of the day so we wound up going to get food or a drink or something.  From then on we just became great friends, best friends.  We started doing everything together.  No hanky-panky at all, just friendship.  We each had short term partners come and go but we always remained friends.  We even had to start telling people we were brother and sister so they would get it - that nothing was going on between us.

I can't recall the exact timeline of things back then, Sammi and I drank a lot.  But she wound up getting married around the same time I started dating my wife now.  My wife was my date for the wedding.  Around that time or shortly before is when we started being not so close as before.  And it was perfectly understandable.  We were both growing older and involved with other people.  We remained in touch, then she got a divorce after about a year or two.  We had been in touch less and less and then one day my number for her didn't work anymore.  Suddenly I had no way to reach my best friend of the early and mid nineties.  And it remained that way for somewhere around 16 or 18 years.  Until 3 weeks ago.

See, Sammi also attended my other friends' wedding that I referred to a couple posts ago as another friend's date.  When I was going through those pictures I was again reminded of her and mentioned her to my wife.  So my wife looked for her on farcebook - and found her!

I have looked for Sammi on and off over the years with no success, and now there she was on my wife's phone.  My wife sent her a message that day.  We waited a week with no response so I wrote up a short note with my contact information and had my wife paste it in a message to Sammi.  Again, we waited a week with no response.  So yesterday I again composed a short note, expressing my confusion and hurt but I would respect her wishes.  And again I had my wife send it to Sammi.  So that's where it stands.

Or actually, that is where it stood.  I just took the liberty of glancing at farcebook under my wife's account on the off chance Sammi replied.  There was no reply so I glanced at Sammi's page and saw this, the screenshot on the right, posted a few hours after I had my wife send my last note.  Nice big 'YUP' right there.  I don't know why she feels that way.  I didn't think we were ever on bad terms.  I'm just, at a loss for words, so there will be no more words.  I hope we never meet face to face again, now.  Wouldn't that be awkward?

A long time ago I lost touch with a friend, but now I have truly lost that friend.

HS Reunion Recap

Yes, well, good thing I went in with low expectations.  Actually that is incorrect, I went in with no expectations.  Either way, I was not disappointed.

Of what I'm guessing was 120-130 graduates, there were around 20 in attendance:

The core group should not have come as a surprise if I would have really considered.  It was the jocks and the cheerleaders, of course.  They did all seem nice enough - and I recognized many, but not most.  And that was the same for me, few recognized me, most not.  But everyone was very cordial to me and my wife.  It did kind of seem like many of these people were still friends and had seen each other at least somewhat recently.  Well, we had made the trip so I felt I should also make the effort, but, um, do you know that feeling when your talking to someone who is just... elsewhere?  Someone who is trying to be nice but is just not interested?  I got that a few times.  And I can't say I blame them because I may have been that way, too.  At least everyone's cordiality recognized the effort made by the other.  But when it comes down to it, I had barely talked to most of these attendees in high school, we don't have much to discuss now.  At least at not this time and place.  Never rule out paths crossing.

The co-valedictorian (the other co- is deceased, I believe) and the salutatorian were there.  The former and spouse also were the most likely to tell you every detail about who they've worked for and where they've lived and every intimate detail you never asked about.  I had to extricate myself from her and her spouse's one-sided conversations first, then once somewhat established elsewhere go back in and rescue my wife from their never ending conversation-about-themselves tag team.  My wife was a sport about it.  The latter was rather nicer, and easier to deal with, but he still had his agenda.  He had to let me know things I didn't ask, dropping company names and cities.  But I was actually more comfortable with him than others there.

And then there were a few guys that seemed like regular dudes.  Given time and a different atmosphere we would probably get on well and do what guys do.  That would also have to include my friend Gary, that I enjoyed seeing last week.  It was nice to see him once more while he was here in Wisconsin.

The girl who organized the event is a grade younger.  Her sister is in my class, though.  She knew my Mom and praised her for something or other (I was still trying to figure out who the hell she was!).  Gary did tell me some about it earlier in the week, and showed me pics from farcebook, but I still had a hard time wrapping my brain around the long forgotten names and the faces that went with them. The organizer also knew a good friend of my Mom's who, I guess, just happened to be dining at the restaurant.  She told me to say 'hi' to my Mom but I forgot her name.  One of your Rah-Rah Sisters, Mom, and she was tiny.  There you go.

So that was that and off we went early, I think the first to leave.  (When we left the DJ was playing to an empty private room, poor guy.  Still gets paid though.  After eating we had all moved out to the bar area.)  We never intended to stay too late in the evening, I always like to get home sooner than later.  Though I'm sure others who had rooms may have had fun for a few more hours.  That could have been interesting, staying late and watching all loosen up with the refreshments!  On the other hand, I was glad to get home and stay removed from that part of my life.


On a final note - Yes, it has been pointed out to me how my hair looks much the same in the then and now pictures in the last post.   I even thought it kinda odd/funny.  But since then I have cut it all off - twice - and had other, if transitional, looks.  Everything comes full circle, and I do like my hair long.

So, that's that, then.

Friend Then, Friend Now

Although it did not work out last Saturday, my friend Gary was able to come up on Wednesday evening for a visit.  It was great to see him, it had been a long time!  Probably more than 10 years.  It was kind of last minute, yet expected.  I called him from work that morning and he stopped by shortly after I got home from work.  I introduced him to sour beer, we went up to the MaltHouse for another, came back and ordered food,  and just visited.  He's had a hell of time this past year and more - I had mentioned that he lost his lovely wife - but he seems like he is doing well.  We didn't run out of things to talk about but I did notice us get quiet once when the TV was on so we moved to the computer and played with music files.  He stayed the night so we had filled the old air mattress for him, and he left the next morning when I had to go to work.  It seemed to go by so fast, but I will see him again tonight at the class reunion before he goes back to Texas on Monday.

Mike, Me and Gary

Since Wednesday I've dug out some old pictures, trying to find old pictures of me and him, and I also dug out my old yearbooks to remind myself who the heck was in my class.  I went through the yearbook for a while this morning.  Wow.  Before looking I may have been able to bring about a third of the classmates to mind even if I couldn't remember the name.  Looking at the yearbook reminded me of people that I have not ever thought about in 30 years.  I guess I'll find out how many will be there tonight.  I foresee many, many re-introductions.

1993, Gary's Wedding.  His brother Greg on right.

In the old pictures here (and I can't believe I'm actually posting them) there is a third, our good friend Mike.  Mike is in Michigan now.  The three of us did lots together, especially the last year of high school, and kept in touch for a long time after high school.  For the most part we have always been in touch, but it has been tough the last 10 years.  They've been married, raising kids, and making a living and our paths have led in different directions a bit.  We're still in touch now, that's what matters.

Very early 90's at the Black Bear Lounge.  Figured out who the ham was yet?

Old Friends And Classmates

This has been one of those Summer weekends that I'll wish I had back come October or November.  It is hot and sunny and I have been pretty lazy yesterday and today.  I did get a couple small projects done, then headed straight back in to the air conditioning.  When I'm running out of time outside before the snowfall this Winter I'll wish I had this time back, but rest and relaxation is important, too!

An old high school friend, Gary, came back to the area from several states away this week.  He has a family reunion, some business and personal matters to attend to and then our class reunion is next weekend.  We originally planned for him to come by yesterday afternoon and spend the night last night but plans changed, and understandably so.  I've seen him only a couple times in the last 20 years and am looking forward to seeing him again.  Unfortunately, he lost his lovely wife of over 20 years late last year so he has some things to take care of while he's in Wisconsin.   I know I will see him at the reunion but hopefully we can get together some evening this week. I think it would be nice to spend some personal time together catching up before dealing with old high school classmates.

We also have a classmate/old friend, Lane, that lives right here in Madison that I am not normally in touch with.  Actually, we may have bumped into each other once or twice but other than that he's never returned my calls or emails whenever I happened  to reach out to him.  I called him from work one day last week to once again let him know that Gary would be in town and to try to get the three of us together.  Gary was better friends with him than I in high school and was hoping to see him, too, so I had been trying to facilitate and had called and emailed Lane with no response.  When I left a message this time I ended by saying that "you never respond when I try to contact you so I'm not calling again."  Then I deleted his number and email from my phone.  Guess who called later that night?  Oh, it was good to talk to him finally, and I will try to get us all together this week, but I'm pretty much done with him for good after this.  No response - especially repeatedly - is disrespect, in my book.

So next weekend is the 30th class reunion.  As I've mentioned, I have never been to a reunion of my class.  Most all of those I graduated with I have not seen since - and haven't missed.  So, why am I going?  Well, I already paid the fifty bucks.  And it has been 30 years now.  I did not grow up with these people, having moved to town for the seventh grade, and I've always felt like an outsider with them.  I expect I will feel much the same at the reunion, but I don't have anything more than that 50 bucks and my time next weekend invested in this.  I will go, smile a lot (hopefully genuinely), shake a lot of hands and make it back home long before I turn into a pumpkin.  So, besides wanting to see Gary, I guess I am going for the novelty of the occasion.  My expectations are purposely low so I shall not be disappointed.

AtwoodFest 2015!

My wife and I made the 15 minute walk down to AtwoodFest this afternoon for some food, music and festivities.  We didn't stay as long as we did last year, but it was a nice walk on a hot Summer day to a festive atmosphere.  Sure, our feet hurt when we got back, so of course we resolved to walk more, especially to this neighborhood of quality local businesses.  There are several nice restaurants, bar and grills, chocolate shops, art galleries and other eclectic offerings in this area.  Oh, and can't forget the ice cream shop!

Craft Brew Dinner #4

Last night was Dexter's Pub's Heritage Series Craft Brew Dinner number 6, #2 was canceled and #3 we skipped.  This month's craft brewery was the local Capital Brewery, from nearby Middleton, Wisconsin.  Six courses of good beer and food!  Surprisingly, less seats were sold for this dinner - sixteen - than the usual 20 spots available.  That may be because the brewery was very local and people are already familiar, or just because it is Summer and there are other things to do.  No matter, we had a good time.  Once again we were joined by my friend Ted, a craft beer connoisseur - especially compared to me.

The first beer I was very familiar with because it was the quarter barrel we got for our party a month or two ago, Capital Amber.  Ambers are good for a middle-of-the-road type beer.  There was also an IPA for one course.  I've said it before but I just don't like the perfume-y smell and taste of IPAs and unfortunately they are the popular thing now, I blame the hipsters.  At least the hipsters that have graduated from - gag - Pabst Blue Ribbon.  Pabst was a cheap beer that my dad drank when I was a kid, and it's still cheap but somehow super popular again.  And then there was also what seems to be a mandatory coffee flavored beer.  Again, I'm not a fan, but I was in the minority.  I've never been a coffee drinker because I hate the taste and putting it in beer does not change that for me.  There were no sour beers presented last night, I don't think Capital even makes one.  My wife and I have been paying attention and seeking them out recently.  Who knew we'd like the sour beers, but we do.  No, whiskey, I have not forgotten about you...

The food was a good six courses, four of which I could have considered a dessert.  First the popcorn with infused garlic scape butter was the welcome course.  The next course was a spinach salad with feta, candied pecans, strawberries and a sweet lemon cilantro vinaigrette made with the accompanying beer, a golden lager.  This salad was maybe my favorite part of the meal, I wish they would have it on the regular menu.  The fourth course was a chilled cherry soup with creme fraiche and slivered almonds.  Again, very sweet, almost too much so for a 'soup.'  And finally the actual dessert, raspberry cream puffs.  So four of the six courses appealed to my sweet tooth nicely.  The other courses, pepperjack cheese curds and the main course were very good, too.  The main course was bourbon and bbq glazed slow-roasted ribs with Wisconsin street corn and corn muffins with honey butter.  It makes me hungry again just thinking about the meal!

All in all, we had a very good time.  The representative for Capital Brewery was actually one of the local female brewmasters that had been featured last month during Madison's Craft Beer Week.  She discussed some history of the brewery as well as it's expansion, ideas for new beers and how she came up with some of the names. We'd probably rank it as the second best of the four we attended.  We still like the first time best, but maybe because it was the first time - and my wife's birthday.  Again it was a lot of food and we were stuffed when we left.  Not a complaint, mind you.  In fact, there's still some leftover ribs and a corn muffin in the refrigerator that will not see tomorrow!

What's Your Total?

What's your total of this, well, what looks like a stupid-decision-of-your-youth and other random question poll.  It made me laugh as I found my total over at Bits & Pieces, thanks Jonco!

Here's my answers:
1.)  10
2.)  10
3.)  0, but I'd like half points.
4.)  10
5.)  20
6.)  20
7.)  0
8.)  20
9.)  10 - Ring doorbell and run, I had to look it up!
10.)  10
11.)  30
12.)  0
13.)  0
14.)  10
15.)  20
16.)  0
17.)  0
18.)  0
19.)  10
20.)  30

I scored 210/350, no real meaning in that, though.  Still, it's late and this has entertained me enough to type all this out.  So?  What's your number?

July This and Thats

Happy July!  I hope everyone enjoyed their 3 day weekend, here in the states anyway.  I've been feeling like I should post lately but there is nothing big to write about.  So this is another one of those start-typing-and-see-what-comes-out posts.

• We had no plans for this holiday weekend other that some projects around the house.  Things did come up, like my sister in law wanting to see her dad so she calls my wife to fetch him for her for a visit.  We see him a lot, if she wants to see him she should go get him herself, I think.  Also, Kate helped her friend, Terry, clean up her boat - not go out on the lake, just clean it up while it is docked at the marina.  It has got to be a sin to own a nice pontoon boat, pay to store it on the water, and rarely, if ever, use it.  Sigh.
• My plans for this holiday weekend were to cross things off my list, and I did pretty good.  I got the garage power-washed, also cleaned some foundation which we got painted yesterday morning.  It looks a whole lot better and the fresh black matches the windows better.  Now only 3 more sides of the house to go!  I also got some sidewalk edging done, put gutter covers on the porch (free after rebate!), mowed, removed more irises, and later today I want to fertilize the lawn since rain is expected tomorrow evening.  Aside from fertilizing, I am now done for the weekend.  My feet hurt.  A lot.
• I've talked about getting bicycles, but we have not yet.  I still want to because I feel we would use them more often to get out to local places that we like to visit.  But in actuality that would probably be once a week in the summer time.  It would be nice but not the highest priority when we think about it.  Meanwhile, I have started getting on the exercise bike downstairs 3 times a week to start trying to get into better shape.  There's a great ice cream shop that opened last year that is less than a ten minute bike ride away, only 15-20 minutes away walking but we just never seem to do.
• Not just bikes, everything costs money and it seems like we have been hemorrhaging money lately.  Not even counting having the tree removed and buying a new vehicle.  Just purchases for house projects, cds and dvds, concert tickets, and the like.  On the bright side my wife received a long overdue promotion at work that will help.  Congrats, Kate, you've deserved this for a long time!
• Speaking of concert tickets, we recently got tickets for Garbage's upcoming tour.  It is the 20th anniversary of their debut, self-titled album and they will be playing it in its entirety on this tour.  Garbage started here in Madison and we do like to claim them as our own, though none live here anymore.  Also, Nightwish has announced their 2016 American tour and it includes a stop at the Rave in Milwaukee.  I may never get the chance again, I have to go.  The Garbage show is not until October and the Nightwish show is not until next year February.  They are both quite a ways off but I didn't care, I will be there and wanted my tickets now.  
• I broke one of my commenting rules recently when I commented on Delcatto's blog about his weather.  My personal rule is that if I only discuss me in my comment not to post it, but I did.  He wrote about the heat there and my comment was how we had not turned on the air conditioning here yet despite it being July already.  It has been very nice to have the windows open for this long.  We've been tempted to run the A/C a few times, but have not.  I was even tempted earlier today, but if I look at the next few days it cools off and we would want the windows open again.  I will not start it for one hot day, but if I see a stretch coming I won't hesitate.
• The 30th reunion of the people I went to high school with happens this year, and soon.  I have to decide in the next, like, day if we will be going.  I have not been to any of my previous class reunions.  I did not grow up with them, moving to town for 7th grade.  I had few friends and got picked on a lot.  I was the first in my class to get my ear pierced, I got picked on a lot for that my junior year.  When I came back for my senior year most of those that picked on me had their own ear pierced.  I hated them for that.  I know I was an awkward, stupid teenager and so were they as the jocks, cheerleaders, and geeks that they were.  There are exactly 2 friends that I would absolutely love to see, out of about 100-150 classmates (I forget).  I am certain there would be some others I would enjoy seeing, as well as others that I wouldn't.  But it's been 30 years now.  Do I care?  Do I go?

That's enough for now, more than I thought I had to say so I'm glad I did another This And Thats post.  There's something to be said for just sitting and typing and seeing what happens.  I'm not even a writer, I just pretend to be one on the internet.  PTFO